Sunday, April 11, 2010

7 things you dont know about me

It has always been interesting to know secret of others. Given opportunity everyone could be a peeping tom or at least eavesdropping Eves. Since I have writer's block now, even though I'm not a writer, I could very well use this opportunity to write something on blog. The problem is I don't have much that others don't know. But, since this cool dude Karthik (link) asked me for the first time I shall write this up.

1. So, here this is for you gossip makers. I have fallen in crush for 4 times so far or Am I missing someone? Whatever! Yeah, they have come and go. But I'm too lazy to follow someone :)

2. Actually, I'm a movie buff. See lot and lot of movies. Tamil, Hollywood, Hindi and even Telugu few times. Movie opens you a new world to exploit. I don't aceept this in open, but i do like profanity in movies. I watched many hollywood movies especially for that too. ;)

3. Everybody thinks I just studied Zoology (I didn't, of course). But I was in Physics for 13 days before that. I just changed to Zoology so that I have more time to enjoy the college life. Cool, eh? Actually, I thought of moving to Vis.Com, which was started in my college only during my second year. If I had, it would have been a different me.

4. I have myself a 'Path of Enlightenment' like the illuminati of 'Angels and Demons'. I used to walk daily. It wasfound by me and a 'long lost friend'. He is not a friend anymore :( . Now, since I shifted my house. I walk down the path with ajay (link) or when I'm lonely. If you have a chance, take a walk with your friends, that is unbeatable.

5. I love coffee. That is just recently. I seem to have addicted to coffee. And chicken. Born vegetarian, eating chicken frequently for last three years. Grill is my most favorable form of chicken.

6. One thing all my friends know Or confused about my ever changing mind. I want to be everything in this world. Sounds like the dialogue of villain in movies right? But, it would be realized sometime. I say this abstractive. Never mind, you would not understand :)

7. Last thing is about my bad habit. I had the habit of checking mirror often. But, reduced now.

I don't want to tag anyone intentionally. But, if he is interested in blogging ajay can do it.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Shall we go for a party?

Men are always quick-pickers. From jockey briefs to future wives, they choose instantly. Men always have a mind for finishing off soon. I believe women like that. Extra time and money could be used to buy their dresses. But in  some cases, Men finishing off soon have led to too many divorces ;). No, I'm not a divorce lawyer or sexologist N.Kannappan(Madurai ad says, 'Lucky hands for 28 years for last 4 years.'  Lucky 'Hands'? whatever.).   When women starts purchasing, accompanying her is the most tough job. Easily it is this endurance test men has to undergo with her girl friend before marriage. And among every other things purchase of dress beats the hell out of man.

There was a woman who went with her husband to buy a silk saree. She asked for a green color saree. When salesman showed her a saree, She said, 'Not this. Lighter shade'. He showed another saree, she said, ' ada, ithu kili pachai. yelakkai pachai venum'(Hey this is parrot green. I need elachi green it.). At last salesman said, 'amma velaikku aagadhu. solunga, companyla order kodupom'(Madam, this wont do. For your need, we have to make a spl. order.) She was like, 'That man talks too much'. She went on around like eight shops in next three hours, ripping the place apart. Finally, the irony of the situation on hand is she would go go back to the first shop and buy the first ever saree she saw. He faints.

You might ask why i am chauvinistic? Because, these kinda jokes are what shopping is for women. We love them a lot. Ironically, this too is a chauvinistic one.

Finally when we ask a women, Shall we go for a party? her thought process would be -

Received as a forward mail
 See, We go straight for booze and bed. Women? I don't have time to explain the whole thought process. It needs Einstein.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Full Moon

When the moon cowers
Behind the earth,
Fearing the wrath of sun,
I lost you in the darkness.
As I grope for you
in those fifteen moonless nights,
Don't disintegrate into darkness.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Constipation with concentration

 Disclaimer - For those who wanna shit and don't wanna hear about it and for all those who wanna do foul things but don't wanna hear or read about it, This is not for you. Please get your royal ass out of here. Others read this self improvement piece - author.

Toilet has always been a fascinating place for me. Not just for me. Have you seen the kids in toilets in the morning? While the mommy is running here and there as if it was she going to school, our young scientist would be sending probes to Pluto, believing it to be planet as it would remain so in Indian text books for next 10 years. Some children develop Lewis Caroll in them in toilets by making silly rhyming poems like Ram had some jam in the bottle, steaming tea in the kettle.... so on. Ram is the evergreen noun used in grammar classes, especially in Hindi. We have called Ram so much time that I wondered that my Hindi 'ji' would one day see Lord Ram himself. Ah... I digress. Back to the point. We are talking about toilets. I, myself grew to be a great philosopher with toilet being workshop and constipation being the spark of ignition.

There was this 2 year old kid, Murugan near my house when I was 8 years old. He was naughty boy unlike myself. When he wants to pee, he peed where he wanted. The place of choice was usually the 'vadgam' his mother placed in the home stairs for drying. He always likes to play with 'vadagam' and tamper them rather than playing with 'chitti saamaan' (miniature utensils for toddlers). One day i heard a loud cry and lot of commotion next door. The mothers of all the homes in our neighborhood crowded near Murugan's home. There I see this kid with his ass so red like it was on fire and our murugan was crying with finger in his mouth. The story is that, like always our 'Teetoddler' Murugan has sat on things in the stairs to pee, only difference being that the things left on stairs to dry are Red hot chillies but vadam. His softie smart ass was deep fried along with chilly flavour. His ass looked like fried chicken before being dressed. This is what you get if you are bad enough not to use Toilet. You bear god's wrath not by eye-poking(Tamil kids are threatened to eat with this), but ass-frying.

Damn it, I'm drifting away from the topic, again. Constipation has to be declared not as a disease. It offers many solutions to simple problem. While they say Newton got the idea for Gravitational theory under an apple tree, I wonder what he was doing while shitting in the toilet. This, probably, is due to the fact that he doen't practice the art of constipation. Otherwise he would have got learnt it there and even could have finished with formulation before emptying his bowls. Toilet was a invented later. Before that they were leaking and shitting in open grounds which provided aesthetic views (apart from others s(h)itting like us) and gives you morning oxygen which is good for lungs and Indian crouching position is very good yogasana. Only problem with that is you have to move a little once in a while because pile of shit reaches your hind. But toilet is good too. They are now having artifacts and even TVs in toilet. But the good old Newspaper or some bestselling shit would be enough. Nowadays we have more bestselling shits than the toilet counterparts. So, you have shit at both ends. 

Among morning tasks the most concentration-seeking job is s(h)itting in toilet. Toilet-sitting is the first ever training that happens to a kid. In his child hood every human beings would have taken long time at a stretch in toilets. Constipation is a initial spark for developing meditation at young age. While i was a kid, i was advised to say 'um' for further crapping. This 'um' is like 'ugh' that give pressure to rectal muscles which constrict to let the crap get out in tubiforms. This 'um' like 'OM' gives you the spiritual psyche, that makes you compatible for any tough job. When Constipation gets tough, this becomes more in the line of delivering a child, like 'push'.. 'push'.... and all. But i personally don't support this and ask you meet the doctor immediately. Otherwise you might as well give birth to shitty kid like the one here(link). And it also affects your spiritual endowment.

Big leaders like Mahatma Gandhi have had constipation at their young age, where they developed their courage, spirituality, sacrificing mind and non-violence. Since he became mastery of this virtue, he later on went on to get self-treatment for it. You could see that he experimented self-treatment for this which was a gift of this wonderful practice. There is a lesson to be learned from this. He used the skills acquired by this practice for the social cause. Hence, i recommend you guys to make India by practicing concentration out of constipation.

I will teach you, 'how to play concentration games in toilet', in forthcoming post.
For Rich ass

Most inhumane punishment